SteaKnight: Eighteenth Knight, 12.13.2007

HEB started off the email discussion for a December Low End by stating that going forward December (due to the holidays) will be the only month in which SteaKnight will be switched from the traditional third Thursday to the second Thursday. He then posited three suggestions for locations...Outback, Sizzler and the Red Lobster. Each location had its drawbacks. Outback is in Daly City. Despite HEB's pleas Sizzler suffers a double setback. It is located in Daly City and, well, it is Sizzler. Red Lobster is in San Bruno. It was clear that the Knights might be heading out of the city of San Francisco for the first time in their quest for steak.

Three conclusions were reached after the opening salvo. The first is that leaving the city of San Francisco was somewhat unpopular. Second, a surprisingly large number of Knights were willing to visit the Palace Family Steakhouse for the third time. Finally, MPH would need a ride if the Knights decided to go forward with plans outside San Francisco.

As frustration mounted, HEB, citing the fact that the Knights had just been there in August, administered a thundering veto to the cries for the Palace and went back to the drawing board with some new options.

1. Mario's Steak and Chophouse

2. The White Horse Restaurant and Tavern

3. Outback

A second volley of emails erupted and as the dust settled a few items were determined.

• Mario's Steak and Chophouse had terrible reviews on MP's much shilled yelp.com website...though the idea of staying in the city was attractive to some Knights.
• The White Horse was a popular option with many Knights. RMD, though he wasn't attending due to a mustache cultivating fundraiser he was attending, registered his opinion that the White Horse Restaurant and Tavern should never be considered because there is not one mention of steak on their menu (though ATG proved that they do offer a filet).
• The Palace proved to still be popular with the hoi polloi as a write in candidate despite HEB's strong rebuke during the previous exchange.
• MPH would need a ride if the Knights decided on Outback

In the end, HEB's typically consensus-building nature as president of SteaKnight was belied by a stern dictatorial decision that pointed the SteaKnight compass toward Outback! MPH would need a ride.

Your hard-working correspondent arrived a spot late to the dinner but by that time one Blooming Onion was already done in and another was on the way. Hearty beers were served to those in need and the revelry began.

• MPH paid for kickball season but hasn't gone while MP has met a lady through kickball
• SteaKnight will be amazingly boring when we are all married
• MP is allergic to any tree that give off airborne particulates, which, unfortunately, Christmas trees do. Once again, this surprised precisely no one
• HEB claims that a blumpkin is neurologically impossible but many contested this fact not based on experience but rather principle
• The succession plan for HEB's pending departure from the city of San Francisco was discussed. Who will take the reigns of this noble organization and best serve the rich tradition that has been established? The names of RMD and Turbo were suggested but many predicted the former would be too bossy and the latter's horns might get in the way.
• MPH had a twisted tale about a subleaser that is winding its way through the judicial system. The question was asked and, no, it's not possible to blow someone to get out of the situation.
• As talk of the next SteaKnight began, HEB, in a dramatic departure from his usual approach, forefully told everyone that the next Steak Knight would be a Brazilian steak house located in the city. With a mild amount of pressure he rescinded the bold statement but the Brazilian place is still ranking high with the Knights as the next site. At this moment the Knights agreed it would be appropriate if all of our signifcant others got Brazilian waxes on Brazilian night.
• It was unanimous that FH and MPH have the best skin of all the Knights.
• Can girls get electrolysis for hairy breasts? Either no one knew or no one was talking.
• ATM mentioned how catchy the theme song for Outback is on the radio
• The Knights fell is deep love with the round table. It enabled all Knights to converse with each other and didn't create sub conversations the way the rectangular table does. The Knights should strive for round tables wherever possible.
• JB told a harrowing tale of getting cock-blocked by a 20 year old in Beijing as he tried to work his charms on some locals
• 4/9 of the Knights in attendance thought that a post-ejaculate pee was very, very pleasurable. The others either disagreed or hadn't ejaculated yet.
• HEB posited that Sprinkler Dick sucks
• ATM saw 500 Santas screaming, yelling and drunk in the streets of San Francisco recently
• It was generally agreed on that any unforeseen financial windfalls in a Knight's personal life should be contributed to the funding of Low End nights. JB was in particular agreement on this subject, stating that if he had a check for $12 million USD he would treat to Low End. Surely the Knights will hold him to his word.
• MP doesn't like facial hair because it itches

Upon conclusion of the dinner, the Knights agreed that the first Daly City SteaKnight was a rousing success but that everyone thoroughly hates Daly City.

Total Bill: $365.80

HEB (seventeenth Knight)

STB (sixteenth Knight)

ATG (sixteenth Knight)
Turbo (fifteenth Knight)
MPH (fourteenth Knight)

JB (thirteenth Knight)

ATM (tenth Knight)
FH (seventh Knight)

MP (sixth Knight)

SteaKnight: Seventeenth Knight, 11.15.2007

Whenever the Knights stray from tradition it always stirs up a well of dissent and November was no different. Our benevolent leader, HEB, started out with the good intentions of moving SteaKnight from the traditional third Thursday of the month to a new day to help accomodate the large number of Knights unable to attend on the traditional Thursday. This sparked more than a little protest but, nevertheless, the date was moved up a week to 11.8 instead of the traditional 11.15. Only HEB's stern admonishments of "Answer my damn question and stop focusing on Turbo and STB's gay antics" brought order back to the fray. When the dust settled HEB declared that the asshole loses (RMD) and the asses win (everyone else but mostely Turbo and STB for their gay antics). MPH tried to re-cloud the situation by performing the duties of an 11th hour semantics surgeon but the decision was already made...11.8 it was!

Alfred's Steak House, a San Francisco insitution since 1928, was to be the location of the November high end month. Your humble correspondent went over to ATG's house for a pre-Knight cocktail. Soon HEB came by and the trio of Knights were on their way to the restaurant. RMD, MPH, MP and Turbo had already saddled up to the bar when yours truly arrived with his companions and soon thereafter FH arrived to make the group complete.

The Knights convened at a long table and the service proved to be lackluster. As a result, the Knights ended up having plenty of time for conversation.

• MP brazenly challenged Turbo to an "email off", claiming that he was sure that he received more email in a business day than Turbo. The challenge was not immediatly accepted and Turbo ended up saying that he believed MP when he said that he received more email in a business day than he.
• RMD is happy that he has tied the knot as now he only needs to fool one girl for the rest of his life instead of a bunch of women
• Is there a SteaKnight prison...or dungeon where if you do something you could be banished to? No one seemed to know.
• HEB once again brought up the possibility of Sizzler and was promptly shot down
• The question of how to pronounce the country of "Qatar" came up. The answer turns out to be rather complicated.
• A rule apparently materialized out of the ether..."you can't screm 'scraggly' or 'wrinkly'!" We'll see if this is enforceable
• HEB continued to try to defend his "upstairs" preference but, as always, it is a very, very, (very) shaky defense
• RMD is lucky he got married; he was going broke on match.com
• You can use Theraflu as lube...as well as a "liquid panty remover"
• Desperate Housewives is unwatchable
• MPH at one point had to justify the contents of his wallet to a disbelieving crowd
• Turbo and MPH had a conversation about Lost and it was subjected to an on-the-spot vote and deemed the most boring SK conversation ever
• RMD can remember really liking Friends
• Turbo bided his time after the Sizzler discussion and finally suggested CheeseSteak for a low end visit
• RMD has a GI Joe #1 magazine format comic that has a UPC code on it instead of a Snake-Eyes logo

Throughout the course of dinner the server appeared to go into a form of temporary extinction, only to emerge after an entirely too long of an absence. Perhaps there is hope for the dodo and carrier pigeon after all. The gaps in the server's appearance were so long it would've been appropriate to reintroduce himself when he finally did reappear as I imagine that most of us had forgotten what he looked like by that point. To top off the less than mediocre service, Turbo ordered cheesecake (perhaps planting a subconscious seed with the other Knights such that CheeseSteak would remain fresh in their minds?) and received bread pudding. Lovely.

Total bill: $549.04

HEB (sixteenth Knight)

STB (fifteenth Knight)

ATG (fifteenth Knight)
RMD (fourteenth Knight)

Turbo (fourteenth Knight)
MPH (thirteenth Knight)
FH (sixth Knight)

MP (fifth Knight)

SteaKnight: Sixteenth Knight, 10.18.2007

The battle over the Low End night on 10/18 began in a tangled exchange of emails as all Knights had to weigh in on a Sizzler vs. Lucky Penny debate. There are few things that the Knights despise more (besides texting at the table) than leaving the jewel of San Francisco to indulge in their monthly gathering. It's clear that our beloved President HEB has a special place in his heart for Le Sizzler which lies in Daly City. It might as well be in the Hebrides considering the disdain and venomous bile upon with which the suggestion was viewed. And thus, the eternal battle of San Francisco SteaKnight continued, with HEB promoting a visit to Sizzler yet going down in flaming glory. Surely he is reserving some fight for the future so he can continue to resist a Knightly visit to CheeseSteak. Turbo claimed that the Penny was a diner that happens to serve steak in an attempt to position CheeseSteak as a future selection. However, ATG invoked a Google StreetView to prove that the sign did indeed say "Steak House". Surely we haven't seen the last of the Sizzler vs. CheeseSteak battle.

But the Knights had (mostly) agreed on the Lucky Penny this month. And they were off!

As the Knights trickled into the restaurant they were seated in a far corner but somewhat in view of the playoff game between the Red Sox v. Indians. This was essential for Turbo, being the die hard Sox fan that he is. The waitress proved to be quite a treat, brandishing admonishments on all attendees but mostly HEB and JB. However, she let out a noticable groan when MP ordered sourdough bread with his meal. After JB's order (which he placed while concurrently being verbally slammed from the top turnbuckle) he did give the waitress a streetwise knuckle pound as she gestured for him to give her the menu. This is the first and hopefully not the last Knight/server knuckle pound we will see during our monthly gatherings.

Other talking points were:

• ATG reiterated the rule of no texting at the table. It's not because it's not safe, it's just because we don't want it.
• JB has not done a dangerous backslide with his former inamorata. This is highly commendable!
• MPH loves kickball and has just joined another league
• ATG and STB "rocked OH" with ATG's sister and STB's wife, who happens to be the same person
• MP is lactose intolerant, which surprised precisely no one
• Turbo did an impression of himself doing Borat, which was an interesting turn on an old favorite of the group
• ATG was in Philly and forgot to drink Yuengling. It was 7 in the morning but this is still no excuse for missing out on sampling this fine, regionally exclusive nectar
• STB and AZ discussed how being a pediatrician is the anti-strip club. An explanation is in order. While carrying out the duties of a pediatrician, it makes you not want to have children for all of the exposure to sick, "exploding at both ends" tots. As a result, having children of one's own may become a less desireable goal. However, while visiting a strip club, one is exposed to only the good side of women, creating a more desireable goal than might be the case, if, for example, one were to discuss the situation in the Middle East with any given gentlemen's club entertainer
• STB described the rules in his household as "Welcome to Bolognaville". The interpretation of this statement was up for debate.

Those brave enough to order steaks were far from rewarded. In fact, it appeared that the steaks were prepared with a bit of spite as no cut of meat could possible achieve this level of despair on its own. The Knights had ordered some quite delectable appetizers...jalapeño poppers and mozzarella sticks (among others) so that held over those disappointed by their steak ordering outcome. Most Knights ordered dessert and were able to select from a host of shakes and pies. It was a very enjoyable low end evening and our server was most certainly the highlight. Although HEB's loaner car, covered in hearts, did give the server a run for the crown. As is becoming SteaKnight tradition, some Knights cruised over to the Pig and Whistle for a nightcap before heading their separate ways.

Total bill: $231.93

HEB (fifteenth Knight)

STB (fourteenth Knight)

ATG (fourteenth Knight)
RMD (thirteenth Knight)

Turbo (thirteenth Knight)
JB (twelfth Knight)
MPH (twelfth Knight)
MP (fourth Knight)
AZ (second Knight)