SteaKnight: Ninth Night, 3.15.2007

For the high end month of March the largely fearless leader of the Knights returned to the helm and steered the Knights right into the welcoming embrace of the Argentine steakhouse El Raigon. The Knights were immediately at home with the sturdy wooden table around which they gathered. In other words, there was a good base for bearing down on some seriously delicious cuts of cattle. Five of the Knights arrived in naturally high spirits as a result of the fact that the NCAA men's basketball teams they support were still fighting for the championship...Boston College, Georgetown, UCLA and Ohio State.

When the waiter came by with an epically savorous explanation regarding the menu the Knights knew that they were in for a delectable culinary experience. Once the orders had been placed, with RMD handling the wine duties, the Knights were anxious to get caught up with recent events.

Yours truly had recently recovered from a lovely weekend enjoying all things otaku at the annual Wondercon Convention. JLM had passed by and wanted to grab a drink with your humble correspondent but, alas, the pull of the convention floor and the possibility of yet another long box treasure was too much. JLM did notice the notorious intergalactic bounty hunter Bobo Fett guarding the convention entrance. Those in the know were either too embarrassed or too polite to note the transgression against Star Wars lore.

JLM followed with a rousing tale of a recent interviewee at his company. As the events unfolded it turned out that JLM had, in fact, interviewed a long time crush of MPH. Unfortunately MPH was unable to attend on the evening but was already aware of the events. JLM then had to take several cell phone calls, which caused many at the table to wonder whether he was actually talking on his handy or was in fact weathering a stroke while hunched over the device.

The talk of the next SteaKnight, as it often does, absorbed a significant chunk of the pre-dinner conversation. This time the Knights focused on the low end requirements. Most Knights remained steadfast in their notion that the restaurant either has to be a true steakhouse or have the word "steak" on the sign. The Knights have also maintained that a lack of alcohol at any establishment disqualifies it from ever being a future SteaKnight location. However, the possibility of "bring your own" establishments came into question. The requirements for a low-end night at such an establishment was finally determined. Each Knight would have to bring one or more beers served in >24 oz. cans/bottles or a six pack that cost under $5...no small feat for San Francisco!

After the requisite discussion of future SteaKnights, the Knights got into a heated discussion bordering on the philosophical of exactly what is steak. Since, in an irony of ironies, your correspondent is not a consumer of steak, he diverted the conversation to a lighthearted topic by addressing those in attendance of the medical profession. Regarding a female patient who has lost consciousness, is it acceptable to take a wee peek at her public hair? JB stated that this is a gray area.

Since the last SteaKnight (in fact a mere day after the previous gathering!) your correspondent became engaged to a lovely lass. After a toast to the occasion, the discussions about a future stag night ensued. No definite plans have been made but whenever Knights gather in numbers it's an occasion to behold.

At this point JLM gave the Knights the full update on his bartender pursuit from S-----. It turns out that she does, in fact, have a boyfriend. But during the second visit to S----- JLM was able to secure the phone number of another attractive filly. At this point, JLM insisted that the bartender was quite attractive and he was still considering her as a target of his affection. The Knights decided to have a quick vote of thumbs up or down as to whether JLM should pursue the elusive bartender with a boyfriend or the single girl he met at S-----. The vote was, surprisingly, split.

After the vote concluded, ATG told the Knights that he felt like he had an elephant on his chest, which your correspondent found hilarious rather than tragic and concerning. JLM concurrently had another stroke/cell phone call.

In a delightful conclusion to the evening, a rousing debate about HEB's choice in female companions and his anatomy preferences in said companions materialized out of nowhere. At this time HEB clarified that the vagina is not his favorite part of the body and he is definitely more of an upstairs lad.

Once the last drips of wine found an eager palette the Knights settled the bill and filtered off into the evening to enjoy an after dinner drink at the nearby Columbus Cafe. It was yet another gem of a SteaKnight in this jewel of a city.

Total bill: $522.97

HEB (eighth Knight)
STB (eighth Knight)

ATG (seventh Knight, first FalseKnight)
JB (seventh Knight)
RMD (seventh Knight, first FalseKnight)

JLM (sixth Knight)

ATM (fifth Knight)

FH (second Knight)

Dame Update

D---- didn't call; the bartender at S---- had a boyfriend. At times life is a tainted udder.

SteaKnight: Eighth Night, 2.15.2007

It was bound to happen, but the eighth SteaKnight, while somewhat concatenated compared to other SteaKnights, was marred by more than the ghosts of brevity. First, it turned out that the Knights would be without their beloved founder and leader HEB due to his work schedule. The taint of cancellations also weighed heavily on the evening as the leaderless Knights attempted to resurrect the evening from the brink of disaster.

The evening was scheduled for Tad's Steakhouse, a venue previously considered a possibility but rendered too difficult due to the problems of holiday traffic in the Union Square area. But after the trouble of holiday shoppers subsided the Knights were unleashed on Tad's.

The orders at Tad's were taken cafeteria style much like the beloved Palace Family Steakhouse. As a result, no community bill was necessary.

There were two main topics of conversation which consumed the Knights' attention on this night. The first was that of JLM's potential catch at S------. It appears that JLM was lounging about, as Knights do, with a fellow Knight, MPH, at S----- on a recent evening. While JLM was chatting up the attractive bartender, she invited him to return at some point in the future for a gratis beverage of his choice. At this point, there were a lot of differing opinions as to how to pursue the follow-up. One Knight suggested going into the bar, ordering the free drink, thanking the lovely bartender, and leaving. Many Knights are understandably fans of Neil Strauss's "The Game". Others suggested the Swingers theory, waiting before going back for the complimentary drink. As is often the case, the Knights reached no clear path of resolution but the debate was lively and passionate. We wish JLM the best.

The second hot topic of the evening was cancellations. RMD and ATG had both come up with last minute mea culpas as to why they couldn't attend; RMD had a graduate term paper to finish and ATG had too much to do with his lady coming in town for the weekend. Both were appropriately pilloried through the course of the evening. But the question of how to atone for the slight was hot on the minds of the Knights in attendance. The Knights arrived at the decision that RMD, at the next SteaKnight, should have to read his term paper in its entirety after the food arrived and before he could eat his beloved steak. It was also suggested that ATG should have to bring to the next SteaKnight a 10 minute interval accounting of how his night transpired on the evening of his cancellation. Manual stimulations on the evening in question, while assumed, would be summarily and severely penalized.

Your corespondent has taken it upon himself to apply a bit of a scarlet letter to those who have committed and then canceled their SteaKnight obligation at the last minute. Henceforth, Knights who cancel on the sacred night will be designated with a "FalseKnight" status in their permanent record.

It's a testament to the fact of the brotherhood that a gathering of Knights can be fun regardless of the prevailing circumstances. Kudos to the Knights in attendance who were able to gather under what is unargualbly the best sign yet of any steakhouse attended...Tad's Steakhouse.


STB (seventh Knight)
MPH (seventh Knight)
JB (sixth Knight)
JLM (fifth Knight)
ATM (fourth Knight)

SteaKnight Success

Due to the fact that the burgeoning SteaKnight group is now showing up in second place when the search term "SteaKnight" is entered into google, we will no longer be publishing in advance the location of future SteaKnights. The Knights in their current form are unable to deal with over-zealous paparazzi and therefore would prefer to enjoy their steaks in quietude.

SteaKnight: Seventh Night, 1.18.2007

The lads found themselves at yet another high end establishment for the month of January and what a high end it was. The vanguard party enjoyed an after work drink at the bar while waiting for the rest of the group to arrive. Once the party was seated the conversation broke down into smaller pods of conversation that yours truly, as the hard working correspondent, had trouble assessing. Still, while attempting to stay on top of the wide ranging conversation, the main threads that developed were captured.

As is tradition, the next SteaKnight location was the first topic of conversation. While never exactly reaching a conclusion, it always proves to be a fun topic to toss about, disqualifying certain steakhouses based on such harsh criteria such as their sign not mentioning "steak" while welcoming others for, at times, equally notable minutiae. One must understand that this is a rather new group with an evolving tradition that is still being defined, much like those beginning stages of an igneous rock formed millennia ago in the fire belly of the earth. It is not entirely unlike those days during the forming of our fledgling American democracy those centuries ago where hotheads and firebrands wielded their ideas passionately as if the very future of the earth hung in the balance of their words. After the monthly inconculsion concerning the next SteaKnight location was reached, the conversation moved onward.

At this time RMD gave a play by play breakdown of the recent Tostitos Bowl overtime Boise St. win over Oklahoma, which sounded like a truly exciting affair. For their effort Boise St. finished their season undefeated and netted a 5th place finish in the final rankings. The Ohio State Buckeyes, of which yours truly is a loyal supporter, merited a discussion but didn't fare as well in their title game. Yet they still finished the season with a second place finish and a Heisman. This puts them in a three way tie for most Heisman winners by team. While some chose to denigrate your correspondent, his fury was fierce and he has recollected his diatribe here.

The conversation moved on, naturally, to the subject of abdominal prenancy. It's still unclear exactly what this is to those of the Knights without a background in the ways of medicine but, nonetheless, it is truly a gruesome occurrence to ponder.

The Knights then moved on from the world of medicine to ordering their steaks. Most noticed that the waitress named D---- was quite attractive. After the order was taken, the discussion concerned her possible availability for those of the Knights with single status.

The fact that ATM had spurned the Knights for another secret society which were assumed to be the Knights of Malta weighed heavily on the evening. Granted, the SteaKnights are still a fledgling society but the second class status was nonetheless painful for the Knights in attendance. FB was not in attendance since he was going to be on Chinese TV that evening...a reason that most Knights found much more palatable. Shortly after this ATG revealed to the Knights that he is a notary public but "doesn't really know how to do it". We are, for the most part, pleased with our brethren.

The food soon arrived and there was great confusion as to the contents of the meal from yours truly. Were those land scallops or man scallops (read testes) atop the salmon? It ended up being a truly delightful meal of perfectly broiled wild salmon covered in baby scallops but your humble correspondent may never live down the fact that he doesn't consume the cow.

While the Knights enjoyed their meals the topic of the the finer sex (as it often does) came to the forefront. Particularly interesting to the Knights on this evening was the subject of women who appear wondrous in certain settings yet terrible in others. It often seems to hinge on the time of day, at which time a Knight put forth the theory of day variance. Another posited the theory of the Darryl Hannah complex. Our loyal readers will be left to determine which is more accurate.

Both JB and JLM showed up sporting new facial hair styles. JLM had shaved his goatee and was going "clean" while JB was sporting a fresh sprouted beard which befitted his profession.

When it came time for the after dinner drinks several Knights ordered tasty desserts. Others opted for a digestif such as the Cockburn and Dry Sack. It's funny because one of the names of the drinks is a slang term for a willy and the other is patois for the scrotum. We are truly boys in every sense of the word.

During the latter part of the dinner the group was obsessing about the lovely lady D---- who was waiting on the table. Given that several of the lads are currently single, it made sense that the strategies for JLM to secure a date with the lass was of utmost priority. The advice ranged from the practical, such as leaving a beetleskin with one's number on it, to the artistic, such as drawing a "good" picture of a vagina. It was impossible to determine who would be the most talented at the latter. JLM ended up giving her his number in the hopes that she would attend a birthday party for HEB that weekend.

Most of the Knights adjourned to the Holy Grail around the corner for an after dinner drink. On the way MPH donned some very elaborate earmuffs that wouldn't muss his admittedly nice hair. The conversation revolved around whether D---- would call JLM. The estimates ranged from the more optimistic 100% to the more pessimistic, the crowd in which your correspondent was a member, 0%.

It was, nonetheless, another fun SteaKnight and all the Knights walked away into the San Francisco night looking forward to future SteaKnights.

HEB (seventh Knight)
STB (sixth Knight)
RMD (sixth Knight)
ATG (sixth Knight)
MPH (sixth Knight)
JB (fifth Knight)
JLM (fourth Knight)

Total bill: $501.31